Projects are clearing, exams are nearing. Was satisfied with my performance in project work and hope it can pull up my overall marks. I'm just left with 2 more projects which is Engineering System Design as well as Operational Planning & Control. It's now time for some finishing touches. But I'm not all happy over these past two weeks. Not because of school work but on how things are going between me and my baby.

Although we are there for each other practically everyday, mentally i felt that we are drifting apart. Not knowing of the reasons, i kept saying myself is because of school work that both of us are feeling the stress. And now when things are going slow for me right now, i feel bad raising my voice at Beth, i feel bad for losing my temper. But sometimes i cant help it. I wanted to show my apologetic feeling, i just don't know how. Even if i say, will she really understand how i feel?

It came to my realization that she is losing something for me. Yea, I'm sad but I'm trying not to show to her. I don't want her to be sad. I don't like her being sad. Cause everytime i see her sad, i will feel bad, i feel i didn't fulfill my responsibility as being her bf and making her happy. I will be at dead ends on what to do. I will feel i don't understand her, and worst, i don't know what she wants.

Currently, i don't know what to do. Or whether we are still together. I want the truth, I don't want to prolong a relationship that will not be fruitful or has no meaning in it. I don't want someone to be with her for the sake of being with me. I made a decision today. Whatever decision she may make or had made, i will stand by it. Is hard i think, but i don't mind trying. I'm just lacking of love from her that's all. She has her projects and she's busy too. I don't wanna occupy her time, i don't want her to think I'm such an irritant. I just can't wait for school to end. "/

When all else is perfect,

something's just have to go wrong.

WHY?

	Raw Score		Grade	Points
Bent Knee Sit Ups:	48		A	5
Standing Broad Jump:	252	cm	A	5
Sit and Reach:	45	cm	B	4
Pull Ups/Inclined Pull Ups:	11		A	5
Shuttle Run:	9.6	seconds	A	5	Total Points:	26
2.4km Run/Walk:	12.3	minutes	D	2	Award:	SILVER

Sit & Reach + 2.4km run was disappointing, but thank god i made it
WOOHOOO!!! NS would be 1 year 10mth! =)

i should be believing in myself
especially my intuition

damn it

i hate school
it doesn't amuse me much
so irrinoying
maybe because of the same old boring shit















FORFEIT for losing on a golf-putt game - that's Ruhua
I feel like PURE loser seriously.

Yay! Finally, 1 down 2 to go. So now all is well, and everything is going as it is planned. Was fretting if i ever get all these done, all for naught.

From now onwards no lessons on Mon, Tues & Wed. I'm a freed bird!! As for now, I'm stuck in front of my tv.

I've just realised that my previous post has been quite emotional and some sort depressing. I wonder why. Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps i procrastinated too much. So much that i needed to vent it in my blog, so much I couldn't control my temper. Maybe thats why, I'm here, blogging again. Blogger or venting, thats a tough one.

SO maybe, my life is a bit messed up and kinda tangled right now. Just hope things will untangled itself like a puppet. Ok maybe puppet can't untangle itself. Projects are piling up unknowingly, work load increases naturally. I can't lose. Or maybe, i can't afford to lose. I hate the feeling of losing. I hate people looking down at me. Maybe thats why, i take up every challenges that comes in my way.

But something is missing, something to push me. I feel lethargic. I wanted to do something but ended up not doing anything. I need some soul-searching. I mean badly.

This is worst than mid-life crisis. Bad. Unfair.

Until lately, I just realised, I'm all that I'm not.

Lost.

Haiz...

Just when i needed you most.............................................................

I miss your love. I miss your touch, but I'm feeling you everyday.

I don't like how are things going right now. Projects datelines are nearing yet more than half is undone. Tests that make a huge difference are not studied. I can break down any moment. I feel the rush, the rush to get things done right. I feel the want, to get all of it done quick. But group-mates just pull you down.

I'm a perfectionist, I can't have things that are incomplete or done shabbily. I may be kind enough to clear up the M.E.S.S. I may do just that to get to the standard i wanted it to be. I may do it for the sake of myself for I am a self-centered person. Datelines are looming right in front of me, I'm just thinking of the worst case scenario while waiting for those rascal to send me documents and get things right on track.

I'm never fond of group-work. Choosing the right team-mate is hell of a problem. I may choose the smart ass to score distinction, but most of the time, you don't have your own freewill to speak.

I felt this semester wasn't good to me at all. I hate lousy groups and tutorial group. I don't even have the mood to get things rolling. I hate how quickly people change, I hate it! It just hit me on what made them had such a dramatic change and don't know that it just so disturbing.

I miss HER, I can breathe when I'm with HER, talk to HER, or even look at HER. But she isn't free and I'm sad. But I know she's got work to do. And I got mine too. I miss you BABY.

There is no one to depend on right now. And I mean no one. Just myself.

PS: Can't wait for January to end